Which affects us more – the qualities of innate or laid down by education? The child is born with a “clean sheet” or already a personality? And is it possible to redo the character so that it is easier to live? Psychologist Julia Hippenreiter reflects about this in the new book “On the Education of the Child”.
Of course, the child is born with a certain physical organization with which temperament is closely connected, that is, his energy and emotionality. Both depends on the properties of the brain structures – speed and power of excitement, as well as on the connection of emotional and intellectual centers. Each has these properties and the connection are different.
Here, for example, Tatyana’s Pushkin is “Dika, sad, silent, like a lab forest fearful”. It is close to the description of temperament. And her words to Onegin: “But I have been given to another and I will be faithful to him” – this is already a manifestation of her personality.
Personality is formed throughout life. Her sister Olga is a frisky girl, flying like a swallow. At the same time, she quickly forgot her Lensky and fled with some kind of hussar. The first is its temperament, the second is the manifestation of her personality.
Temperament is like a person feels and acts, and this is largely by nature. And personality is by what moral rules he lives, what values he has. This is laid in the family, through human communication, culture.
Nature took care that someone was strong, aggressive, someone peace-loving, and someone else was quiet and thoughtful. Therefore, at different temperaments, educators have different tasks. If your child is noisy and energetic, more often pacify his energy, try to calmly talk and communicate. If the child is quiet and too thoughtful, then caress him, hug. Conversations are intellectual contact, and touch and hugs are emotional.
Which is more important – innate qualities or laid down by education?
Natural features are laid by nature, mainly the intensity of our emotions and reactions. One person expresses himself brightly and violently, the other is more calm, the third is often scared and worries. Here, life experience is imposed on such reactions – habits, skills, knowledge.
And if we talk about morality, values and ideals, then this is always a matter of education and self -education. From nature it is impossible to become a religious or unbelieving person. “Genes” do not determine what you grow up: an honest person – or a corrupt official. This is acquired during life, they are not born with this.
Is it possible to redo the character?
What does it mean to remake? If you are a sociable living person and miss a monotonous environment, what do you want to redo – stop missing? What for? It is better to change the situation for your character if it does not harm you or another.
But some character traits can create difficulties. For example, an emotional person can too rapidly express emotions where necessary and where it is not necessary. He better learn to restrain himself. And there are many different folk remedies for this: dial in the mouth of water, read to ten … But this will not be alteration of character, but work on your behavior, in which character traits are too sharply manifested. And you can and should work on behavior.
When a man and a woman are found, they have some points that attract them, especially at first. How to find the points of contact, so that with different characters do not move away from each other?
Much depends not only on character, but also on worldview, on education and from the manner of communication. The manner of communication is not necessarily a character. The character can manifest itself, for example, in the fact that one reacts calmly, and the other explodes, and then says: “Forgive!”
Of course, it’s good to understand the nature of the person with whom he met. Try to determine it. Why is it important to know? First of all, because every character has “weaknesses”. What it is? These are such types of situations in which it is difficult for a person to cope with himself. It is clear that the task of a loved one in such situations is not to set him.
For example, there is such a character – a closed. These are people who do not like publicity, are closed, live in their world, silent. At the same time, they really value their thoughts, tastes, their preferences. If you will impose something on him-how to say to him, what to love, what to do, then he will be annoyed. He also does not tolerate questioning: “Where have you been? What did you do? She said, and what did you say?”In response, you will most likely hear:“ Do not bother, I do not remember!”
For “closed” situations are also difficult to communicate a lot. He fulfills formal duties well, he has a tendency to observe order. And when the phones call endlessly, a lot of people come, something from https://rfs.org.uk/news/mastering-winning-strategies-at-goldenbet-casino.html it needs-he is not ready for such a life.
And another character is mobile. Such a person, on the contrary, loves to communicate, wants everything that is happening around was noisy, vividly, exciting. And does not really like the planned order. Now imagine: the husband has a closed character, the wife has a mobile. And with this in life life they have to reckon!
If he sits silently, thinks about something, then she should not pester him. In fact, “closed” love to communicate, but only when they themselves choose time for this. Then – for God’s sake. And sometimes mobile does not care about it, and even offends “inattention”. So there is a tension that can be avoided due to knowledge of the characters.
More details about this – in the book “We have different characters. How to be?”And” harmonious points of contact “will certainly be found if each member of the couple will show respect for the differences and features of the other.
Read more in the book of Julia Hippenreiter “On the Education of the Child” (AST, 2020).